Let’s be real, in a time before the internet people didn’t have more adventures and make more meaningful connections. They watched TV and listened to CDs. Before that they listened to records and read magazines. Before that they listened to the radio and read bad dime novels. Before that they embroidered or some shit.
People have been staying inside and ignoring other people for as long as there have been buildings.
but how would a SNAIL react to the friendzone
The friendzone is a myth perpetrated by misogynists who use it to shame their female friends into sex. I am absolutely disgusted by it.
snails are truly upstanding citizens
It’s 2089. all cops have been replaced by genetically modified dogs that let children pet them, help old ladies cross the street, chase down criminals, never eat donuts, bark at cat-callers, analyze dna, easily track down murders, pee on white collar criminals, and tear the faces off of rapists. utopia has been reached.
How was this accomplished you ask?
Well its simple
Dogs are colorblind
Doesn’t he look like a red panda?
He and Legolas never had a single conversation, the only words ever spoken between them were, “and my bow”.
I almost forgot my briefcase!
it contains important lab results
Being a nice person is so fun
Waiter messes something up? You can see the relief on their faces when you don’t scream and swear at them about it
Extra tickets at an arcade/prize place? Watch a little kid’s face light up when you give them a bunch of tickets
There are too many assholes in this world. Be a nice person.
men like girls who “don’t know they are beautiful” because they are afraid that one day you will realise that you are the sun and the stars and he is nothing but a discarded plastic bag clogging up the ocean that you are